Episode 1
Act 1:
Usagi: Sailor Moon
Airdate: July 5, 2014

Morga Jadeite’s first villain Morga, posed as Naru’s mother, possessed an entire army of Mrs. Osaka’s customers, tried to strangle Naru and then tried to use her new army to kill Sailor Moon! Morga's image was toned down only slightly from the original anime and manga, but her eyes are just as creepy.

Mrs. Osaka and Naru Mrs. Osaka runs her own jewelry store. She is usually a kind and caring mother, a far cry from the pushy saleswoman Morga poses as when copying her. Naru is Usagi’s best friend and does a little bit better than Usagi in school. Usagi actually admires Naru, who she feels is pretty and a little more sophisticated. Naru is said to come from a rich family, but so far, her little sister Naruru has not been seen, nor has there been any mention of a father.

SUGOI!! Everything is so pretty, they really did a great job mimicking the manga. Morga is turned into a dried up corpse and then disintegrates! First episode of Sailormoon Crystal. Introduction of Naru, Luna, Usagi Tsukino/Sailor Moon, Mamoru/Tuxedo Mask, Ikuko, Shingo, Queen Beryl, Jadeite, Haruna, Motoki, Ami Mizuno/Sailor Mercury, Yumiko, Kuri, Umino and Mrs. Osaka. First glimpse of Sailor V. First time Sailor Moon uses her screech ability and Moon Tiara Boomerang. Usagi is just plain having a bad day. From butt-ridding down the stairs to a talking cat, just about everything bad happens to her. Watch her face though when the tiara reacts. Act 1 So many tiny details in the background are from the manga. Check out the Sailor V poster for Naoko Takeuchi's official symbol in the top left corner. Guardians that appear but do not help in battle: Total Guardians: Final Blow from:

For the sake of ease, all screencaps of Crystal are from the Crunchyroll cut of Crystal. Yes yes, this does mean you're not getting the "pretty and skinny" cut of the show, but considering how long it's been since we last had a series, I'm not complaining.

The episode begins with a few shots of the universe. We see Sagittarius Alpha, then we see the Milky Way, filled with all the planets we're used to, like Saturn and Uranus. Then we see a shot of the Moon, and all the while, heavenly music is playing. Bonus points to anybody who can name the season of Pretty Cure/PreCure where this music director came from. And that reminds me, Toei has always recycled music for all their shows, including Dragonball Z, Toriko and the old Sailor Moon anime. If you didn't notice it before, check those shows out on Hulu, Funimation and Crunchyroll and you'll hear tracks pretty Cure and Digimon have used, especially in "we can't solve the mystery" scenes. If you aren't used to Toei doing this by now, you better start, because they have been doing this since the 60's, and they're not changing for you now. (Actually, I really like this track, even if it's recycled.)

We see a shot of Earth, then randomly, we're launched back in time. There's a landscape of Endymion's kingdom. We then see a shot of Princess Serenity, running down a flight of stairs, and into Prince Endymion's arms. Hey, if DiC can spoil the first episode of the old series, then I guess Toei can spoil the first episode of Crystal. Why not? They paid for it. Well, just as the prince and princess are about to kiss, the screen fades to white.

An alarm clock is ringing off the hook. We see a shot of the Tsukino residence, as Ikuko politely yells up to Usagi. It's time to wake up.

Usagi's head is full of bows. She fusses and rolls over, then screams bloody murder, while her mother is calmly reading a newspaper. SERIOUSLY?? Two anime's in a row and a manga now. WHY can't this kid set her damn clock to anytime BEFORE she's about to be late?? WHY?? And why can't her mother at least TRY and get her up earlier? Actually, Usagi asks her this in all three incarnations. Last anime, Ikuko nonchalantly claims she "did try" but Usagi wouldn't get up. Here? Nope. Not even an excuse. We see Usagi put on her school uniform, and then literally, she FALLS DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS AND LANDS ON HER ASS, and her mom is like "Oh. You okay? No? Oh. Ok." Holy crap. She really doesn't give a shit. And not only did she not care enough to remind her kid to set her alarm to an earlier time, she also didn't care enough to make breakfast. I'm not kidding, there is NO FOOD available for Usagi!! No wonder she's waif thin, poor thing is starving. Usagi grabs the tiniest Bento I've ever seen, and races off.

Ikuko sighs and says she hopes Usagi can learn from Sailor V-chan. Oh Ikuko-mama. If only you knew who V-chan really was, you'd retract that statement.

After the theme song and title card, we see Usagi, crying and racing for school. We get the classic introduction from her, just as she trips over Luna, and smacks her face into the pavement. Five minutes total of animation so far, and I'm surprised this kid hasn't broken a bone or gotten a concussion yet. Well being that she's a sweet girl, she races to check on Luna, and spots the Band-Aids on the little cat's moon spot. She apologizes for hurting her, and goes to give her a little kiss on the nose. And how does the cat repay her? Oh, I know. By scratching Usagi's face to pieces, that's how!

GOOD FREAKING LORD!! She made Usagi look like she lost a fight to a can opener. O_O

MOST people would have launched the cat into oncoming traffic by this point. But not Usagi. Instead, she notices that the cat wants the Band-Aids removed, so she takes the bandages off of the cat. How does the cat repay her this time?

Simple. She jumps on the girl's head, then jumps onto a ledge, and stares mega creepy at her. In looking at the above shot, I'm just happy she didn’t take a crap on Usagi's head. This cat is EVIL. Usagi notices the Moon spot on the cat's head, but just then, the school bell rings. Usagi grabs her briefcase, and dashes off.

Meanwhile, off in a creepy cave, we see Jadeite, summoning Morga from dirt, and suddenly it all makes sense why she's so evil.

She has no butthole. I feel so sad for her, for she will never poop. That's enough to make anybody join the Dark Kingdom.

Jadeite forms her body, hair and clothes to look exactly like Naru's mom, and he sends her ahead to the jewelry store.

Outside Minato Ward's Juban Public Middle School, where Usagi is a second year student, (8^th Grade) we see she is sent into the hallway. Usagi starts daydreaming about this recurring dream she's been having, about a Moon Princess, and she wonders who the princess is. She wishes she could be a princess like the one in her dream. (Hint: She's idolizing herself. She's dreaming about being herself.) Her tummy rumbles, so she starts to nibble a bit on her lunch, but just then, Ms. Haruna appears. She chastises her about her eating habit and about her low grades, as the class laughs at her. Usagi weeps a tiny bit.

Inside the classroom, Naru yells at Usagi for eating lunch before lunch period. Umino gloats about his test score, and we learn that Usagi really admires Naru. Naru's score is only ten points below Umino's.

Outside, Usagi is enjoying an orange juice box, while everyone is talking about how Codename Sailor V just thwarted a bank robbery. Umino claims he heard V is a secret cop. Yuriko claims she feels bad for the robbers and that she can relate to them, because OMG jewelry is like soooo worth jail time, right?? Kuri asks Naru about her mom's store, and Naru mentions that her mom just dropped the prices to where most of the merchandise is now affordable, even by Middle School standards. By the way, have you noticed how posh Sailor Moon has always been? These really ARE rich kids!! So the girls decide to go shopping.

Inside Osa-P, there are tons of girls and women going nuts for the jewelry, as "Naru's Mom" is dropping discounts everywhere…. And creepily making comments about thieving energy, which is totally normal, right? Well Kuri finds a ring, and Naru starts to worry about her mom. Usagi thinks about her test scores, and decides it would be better to bite the bullet and walk home. She steps outside, crumples up her test, and tosses it.

Randomly, it lands on Mamoru, who is wearing a tuxedo in the middle of the day, in the street, for no reason. He teases her about the low score, and calls her "Ms. Bump-head" a far cry from "Odango-atama" (Bun/Dumpling Head) and DiC's "Meatball Head" but certainly enough to piss Usagi off. He places her test on her head, but just as she starts telling him to back off, their eyes meet.

There's an instant love connection here. Usagi walks off, then comes back, picks up the briefcase, and walks away again, musing about how ridiculous it looks for a man to walk around in a tuxedo in broad daylight. He muses that he thinks the jewelry store might have the Legendary Silver Crystal.

Usagi sees a poster for the Codename Sailor V arcade game at Crown, and wishes she could kick ass, skip school and be like Sailor V. She pops in for a game, and Motoki appears, encouraging her to do better.

Better of course, means having Chibi Sailor V blast a zombie in the nuts.

Usagi muses that Motoki is good looking, and she has her eye on him. Toned down from the last anime, where she was wanting to marry him. Just then, Luna appears. Motoki says the creepy feline has been wondering around the arcade a lot the last few days. Usagi points and laughs at Luna's crescent moon bald spot. And Luna…. Just… fucking… stares.

Usagi returns home, and Ikuko informs her she's had a chat with Umino. Usagi quietly plots Umino's demise as her mother flips out over her bad test score. Ikuko pushes her out of the house and tells her not to come home anymore if her grades will keep sucking. WOW! You know, here in America, we have a number 14 year olds can call for someone like that. No sooner is her carcass outside does Shingo appear, snotty as always. He slips in a diss on wanting a smarter sister, and sticks his tongue out. Usagi attempts to kick his scrawny, little, punk ass, but he slams the door, causing her to nearly break a leg. I swear, this has been one shitty day for Usagi! Usagi screams and cries loud enough to annoy Ikuko into letting her back inside.

Across town, Tuxedo Mask appears at Osa-P jewelry. As he's starring down the building, Morga is collecting energy from all the gems sold that day. Women and girls all over town are dropping like flies. But just as Morga realizes the Silver Crystal isn't here, Naru walks in, spots her, and realizes something is wrong.

Back inside her room, Usagi decides against doing her homework, and opts for a nap instead. Initially, she dreams of being that Moon Princess again, being led by the hand by a frantic Endymion. Godzilla appears. Suddenly, Endymion is Codename Sailor V. Then she turns into a Chibi video game character, fighting a generic dinosaur. Luna is in a cage, swinging back and forth. Usagi muses that the cat has a bald spot.

SLASH

Usagi is awake, screaming and bleeding from her face.

Luna tells her it's not a bald spot.

Usagi's eyes widen. Cat is talking.

Luna introduces herself, thanks Usagi for removing the Band-Aids, and explains she's on a mission, and Usagi goes to sleep?? Oh, no worries, we can fix this. So the cat with clearly no pockets produces a brooch for Usagi. That peps her up! Anybody else would probably want to disinfect the locket, since we can see the cat is pocket-less, but Usagi just grabs it and wears it. No worries about E. Coli, right? So as Usagi is enjoying the locket, Luna is telling her the fate of the world is at stake. Suddenly, the brooch glows:

The cat enjoys the girl's fear.

Luna instructs Usagi to yell "MOON PRISIM POWER MAKE UP!!" Usagi nods and obeys, becoming Sailor I am very confused. She's semi floating in her room, and she screams that she looks like Sailor V. But just before she can make sense of it all, her red clips start blinking. She can hear Naru screaming for help. Unlike the last series, where she has to stop and think if she really wants to save Naru, this time, she instructs Luna to take her to where Naru is.

Morga is standing over Naru. She tells Naru her mother is sleeping in the basement. We see Naru's mom tied up, trying to get free. Morga leans down to kill Naru, when Sailor Moon and Luna arrive. Usagi makes up a speech and a name for herself on the fly, after Luna points at the Moon.

Morga is unimpressed. She uses her energy stick to call out everyone who bought the jewelry to attack Sailor Moon. The zombified women lunge for her, and the kid asks a question we would all be thinking in her shoes.

Her knee starts bleeding, freaking her out. She starts running for her life, but the women keep cornering her. Luna tells her to just kick their butts. Sailor Moon is like "HOW??" as the damn cat has forgotten to give her an attack or a weapon thus far. Suddenly, she's trapped, and freaking out, Sailor Moon cries, letting loose ultrasonic waives, deafening Morga and blasting all the windows to shreds. Tuxedo Mask appears from high above, yelling at her to stop crying. She searches around to see who said that, but Luna tells her to use the tiara and yell "Moon tiara Boomerang". She touches the tiara, and it turns into a little disc. I really like the little 2 second smirk she gives here:

She uses the new attack, disintegrating Morga alive. She races outside to catch a glimpse of Tuxedo Mask, just as he floats away. Jadeite watches this all from afar, and muses about how he needs to find the Silver Crystal.

The next morning, Naru is raving to Yumiko and Kuri about the mysterious Sailor Guardian who saved her, and how she wished she knew who it was. Usagi stands in a hallway with Luna on her shoulder, wondering what will become of her. I guess we're just fine with a cat coming to school with usagi. Yep. Totally normal now. But as Luna is smiling at the girl's distress, a teenager with blue hair notices it's about to rain………..

BONUS!!

Okay, you probably weren't thinking that Toei just gave you a shot of the StarS arc in the first episode of Sailor Moon Crystal, were you? Well take a look at this:

I know what you're thinking. Just a random galaxy shot, right? WRONG. Dead wrong. Look again.

Right there, episode one and we've already seen where The Cauldron is located.

Follow me back to the Battle Record!
Follow me to the next episode!
Follow me back to Sailor StarS!
Follow me back to Moon Sisters!