we find ourselves at the hospital.
Chibiusa is hooked up to a heartbeat machine.
Her heart stops and the doctor with ABSOLUTELY NO REMORSE OR CARE IN HIS
VOICE is like "Oh, she's in cardiac arrest."
And then he's like "Oh no my bad, she dead."
You're kidding…. YOU'RE KIDDING?? Is that all you can say, Usagi-chan?? THAT
WAS YOUR DAUGHTER!!
OH MY GOD even the animators don't give a shit that Chibiusa's dead. They
just regressed their faces back to pre-DVD season one status!!
Oh Jebus it's Sailor Useless, Sailor No-Help and Sailor
Bus Pass again. Even THEY can't emote here. HELLO?? Chibiusa is your
PRINCESS!! You guys were supposed to protect her as well as her klutz of a
mom over there. Can ANY of you just shed one little, tiny tear for the pink
spore?? I mean she wasn't even annoying this time around except for one scene
this season. In fact, she's pretty damn adorable in Crystal so how can you
guys be so… oh wait. YOU'RE the three fuckups that ON PURPOSE stood there and
toasted marshmallows as the Silver Millennium roasted, and then plotted to
kill a 12 year old who didn't like your Captain America genderbend
on DeviantArt. Oh right, sorry. I'm asking too much out of YOU three in the
Well you were close, Usagi-chan. Good try. Maybe now you've learned to pick
your next kid's friends a little be-
Oh who am I kidding?
Setsuna informs Usagi that Sailor Saturn never awakened and neither did the
talismans, despite all that crap from last week's episode. Haruka says that
if they want to save Chibiusa, they have to go kill Hotaru, because now she's
been turned into a monster. As the Outers leave, the Inner Guardians
contemplate whether or not it's time to throw in the towel on rescuing a 12
year old from her 16 year old assassin.
Usagi holds Chibiusa's corpse's hand, and notes that her body is getting cold
PUT THAT HAPPY ENDING AWAY, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS!!
OH MY GOD MAMO-CHAN?!?!? Et Tu? THAT'S YOUR FUCKING
KID YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, what the hell is wrong with you?? So in a flat,
cold and uncaring voice, Mamoru talks about how Chibiusa's blood is going to
stop soon, and how even if they do get her soul back, she'll remain dead
anyway. Yeah, nice way to talk about your DAUGHTER by telling her mom about
how the body is going to deteriorate into a smelly pile of nothing. That's
real comforting you amnesia ridden JERK and where was YOUR dumbass to save
her this time?? Next kid you have, get a damn hand holder! Yeah it looks like
a leash but at least your kid's SOUL stays intact.
By the way. I love how everybody is missing the point of death entirely.
Mistress 9 has Chibiusa's soul. Her heart has stopped and she ain't
breathing. Mamo-chan, maybe you're having a bad day here, but let me clarify
something. CHIBIUSA IS DEAD!! You're not trying to "save" her,
you're trying to resurrect her! She's already beyond the point of being
saved, right now you're just picking up the pieces.
Right now, I bet Usagi is wondering how much of her allowance money she has
to save up for her kid's tombstone.
Don't worry. I bet BanDai will help you guys out on
that. But hey, if she stays dead, at least you know she won't grow up and
become THIS again:
So Mamoru suggests they take the body back to his apartment, because the
hospital is TOTALLY gonna just LET a group of teenagers take a dead child's
body without question and without calling the Tsukino house for reference,
and we get treated to the opening.
Oh did you miss Momoiro Clover Z? Well you're in luck. THEY'RE BACK!! Those
cute, underage Sailor Singer Idols are now doing the opening theme song. WHY
are they singing over the above image I have no idea. But everybody in Japan
thinks this screen shot is "cute" so they're keeping it. WAKE UP!!
It's not cute, it's PedoBear fodder. PUT CLOTHING ON THE DEAD KIDS ALREADY!!
Speaking of, I forgot to ask this in my last recap, but WHY are Chibiusa and
Haruka thinking of Hotaru undressed? SHE 12!!
Oh, and randomly, we get two seconds from Super Sailor Moon's new Henshin.
Okay so they actually took Chibiusa to the world's most negligent hospital.
The hospital literally does not care that a group of teenagers just took a
dead kid body home with them. But it's okay, Mamoru is going to hook his body
up to his dead daughter's, so that he can be her living life support machine…
because that's doable, right? And literally NOBODY saw them WALK home with
her body, isn't this amazing? Usagi, Minako, it's past your curfew, where yo'
parents be at?
Oh, and you guys are traumatizing the shit out of Diana here. But it's cool.
And no explanation about where he got this power either. Nice. Well screw
science, because MAGIC POWERS and Chibiusa's body is being kept warm.
It's not until Usagi hears Mamoru's heart beat through Chibiusa's hand
(Hah??) that the realization hits her that her kid is dead. Finally, she
sheds a tear right after Mamoru sends everyone not named Usagi out of the
Mamoru kisses her, but in doing so, they both have that dream from a few
episodes ago. We're back to using the word "Messiah" again, only
Mamoru STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT THAT'S HIS BABY MOMMA IN THE VISION!! But it's
cool. He tells her to go retrieve their daughter's soul.
Mistress 9 notices that while she forced Hotaru's body to grow up, she still
got baby hands.
Professor Tomoe admits to implanting the egg that was Mistress 9 into
Hotaru's body… and I literally just NOW got the incest implications. OH MY
JEBUS you is disgusting, THAT'S YOUR KID you freak!!
Hotaru's soul is not happy hearing this. She had thorns around her and
earrings on. I guess souls don't have like a Deb, Rainbow or Gap to shop at.
Mistress 9 informs Kaolinite that she will take over being Master Pharaoh
90's partner, and that her job now is to clean up this mess. Kaolinite is
none too pleased. This is boiling down to a case of "Bitch, he MY
man" real quick.
Everywhere she walks, Mistress 9 leaves a trail of purple roses. 90 is happy
to see his woman again.
She offers him Chibiusa's Silver Crystal and explains that it's source is one
that protects this planet. Hotaru is calling out to Mistress 9 that the
crystal is guarded by the soul of Chibiusa, but Mistress 9 isn't aware that
it's Hotaru just yet.
THANK YOU for at least putting on a dress!!
Kaolinite begins to resurrect the Witches 5 using playing cards, candle wax
and a little black magic.
All of the Sailor Guardians gather to Mugen, seeing it's not coated in a
creepy purple haze and purple roses. The Inners head inside the building
while the Outers take the roof.
The Witches 5 (actually, 6 but we're never going to get that straightened
out) are all alive again and in their school uniforms. Cyprine and Ptilol
separate the Inners to different rooms.
Sailor Mars is locked in a room with Eudial, who kicks her down.
……. And gets rapeably close to Mars?!?!
Sailor Mercury is locked in a computer room, and starts geeking
out over a computer with A.I.
And gets trapped by Viluy.
Mimette traps Sailor Venus on a stage. Slowly, all of the girls are getting
possessed and begin to think that being a Sailor Guardian is overrated.
Tellu gets Sailor Jupiter to drop her resolve over flowers, and is anybody
else noticing the girl love implications yet?
Sailor Moon is locked in a dark room where wax versions of the Sailor
Guardians tell her they're sick of her, while a wax Chibiusa chokes her out.
AAACK!!! Don't EVER do that again!!
Mamoru can feel what's going on, and psychically tells Sailor Moon not to be
fooled by the fake images.
Sailor Moon uses Rainbow Moon Heart Attack to kill off the wax figures,
including Wax Chibiusa.
Meanwhile outside, the Outers are trying to cut through the vines, which are
sentient and keep growing. Sailor Pluto can sense Sailor Moon is in trouble,
and Sailor Neptune shows the other two a disturbing image in her mirror.
The Inners are unconscious and being held together by wax.
Eudial strikes as Sailor Moon is turning around.
The Outers decide to drop everything and go save her.
All of the Witches 5 attack as Sailor Moon tries to dodge every blow. Finally,
Viluy captures Sailor Moon and tried to de-frag her alive.
Sailor Neptune uses Submarine Reflection, re-killing all of the Witches 5 and
freeing Sailor Moon.
Sailor Pluto uses Chronos Typhoon to free the Inners.
The girls fall a bit on the pale side.
Sailor Moon gives Sailor Uranus a hug. D'awwwwwww.
Well now we're all working together, isn't this great?
Um… Usagi-chan? What about Mamoru? You know… your BOYFRIEND? Yo baby daddy at
home who can FEEL THIS?? The guy keeping yo kid's body alive while you go
fetch her SOUL?? Why you talkin' bout "deep
down feelings" with Uranus in front of her girlfriend??
His light went out. OH MY GOD are you gonna let your kid STAY dead because
Usagi is experimenting?!?!
Nah it's cool. He's just telling her to let the power grow. He tickles her
brooch from afar.
The girls totally are NOT doing a Nazi salute as they join powers.
They bring on the Holy Grail, which this week is the "Moon Chalice"
(Damn you ghost of Cloverway!) and Sailor Moon becomes Super Sailor Moon
again while Sailor Neptune gets directions to Kaolinite.
All working together now, the girls high tail it to the principal's office.
Kaolinite is pissed that her ultimate plan of resurrecting teenage girls from
the dead as pre-melted-wax dolls failed… and in no place during that sentence
did she stop to think why that would have happened. They were already MELTING
when you started this shit, what did you think was gonna happen?
OH MY JEBUS, KEEL EET!! Kaolinite turns into the freak of the week.
The Inners combine their attacks and strike Kaolinite, prompting her to make
this unintentionally funny face!
But Kaolinite in her clod-hoppin' shoes endures the
event, and strikes back with a super strong attack.
The Outers put up a barrier to protect the Inners while Uranus screams to
Super Sailor Moon to finish the job.
Super Sailor Moon uses Rainbow Moon Heartache to kill Kaolinite.
Super Sailor Moon instructs everyone to search for Hotaru.
Mistress 9 meanwhile eats and swallows Chibiusa's crystal and soul.
And Chibiusa died tasty too.
Next week, we'll get to see how that soul is digested!
And everyone gets naked?
WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS, USAGI-CHAN??